Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Southern Charm: Battle of the Bros

Southern Charm Episode 2: Sh-epic Fail Battle of the Bros

If you missed last week's episode, not to worry, I've summed it up nicely for you:  Shakespeare, "Stabbin Cabin," & Superficial.

Those clever Bravo writers are at it again with their play-on-words title, but I've renamed it to capture the true essence of what we have here: A Battle of the Bros.

The Battle this week centers around 3 girls:

Dani: Shep's ex-girlfriend.
Kathryn: The 22 "little red-haired girl" T-Rav hooked up with in Episode 1.
MJ: Shep's Latest Girl
Here's How it Played Out: 

T-Rav & Dani: 
T-Rav declares Kathryn too immature for him, you know since she is 22, and T-Rav has set his wife-googles on Dani (Shep's ex). Because Dani is on his level: The settling down level.

How will he convince Dani to be the future Mrs. Ravenel? Through a Polo lesson, of course! According to T-Rav. Polo players are daring, courageous, and athletic, and these are all qualities women want in a future husband. (Really, T-Rav?)

Obviously, T-Rav didn't bring this young lady all the way out to Edisto Island just to impress her with his athleticism, he attempts to impress her wine! But he cannot open the bottle and has the wrong type of glasses. This does not dissuade the daring, so T-Rav makes a not-so-subtle suggestion of his "guest bedrooms." Shockingly, it didn't work.

Round 2:
If at first you don't succeed, try again!  And try T-Rav does, by inviting Dani to J.D's family-BBQ. (You know because this will convince Dani to start a family with T-Rav.)

To demonstrate how totally ready he is for kids, he holds a baby, weirdly, straight out in front of him. Now, You'd think as a politician he'd be better at "kissing" babies, because isn't that in the job description? But he isn't, so  Dani chastises him for holding the baby like that, and takes the baby from him, cooing to the baby "He's crazy." (T-Rav hint #1 things aren't going well)

T-Rav's attempt 2 with Dani ends with his failed-attempt to kiss her. (Hint #2, T-Rav)

I think J.D. said it best: "I don't know if he'd google well." hahaha

Shep & MJ:
Shep declares his love a girl named MJ, who is really hot and totally girlfriend material, because you know she is hot and a teacher. But Shep is nervous because he's only had a handful of girlfriends in his life (I know! I was shocked too) so Craig offers his services, because that's what Bros do.

Craig's master plan: Bring all their friends out to the beach so MJ will think "This guy has cool friends, he is obviously not a serial killer." (Setting the bar low. With Shep I imagine this is a good rule of thumb.)

As part of plan "Convince MJ Shep's Not A Serial Killer," they go shopping for new suits and Shep is concerned because MJ isn't responding to his texts.  I wouldn't either consider this was a text he sent her: "I do get upset I like to be thunk about."

Shep then asks Craig (who is basically the Bro-Advisor throughout the episode) if "thunk" is a word, which Craig replies it is not. Actually Shep, it is a word. Thunk is the sound my head made when it hit the table in disbelief after I watched this exchange. (Another word for "thud")

So how does the beach date go?! Well despite Craig's best efforts to bring a bunch of cool-lax bros to the beach, MJ leaves for dinner. Shep declares this as ending their date early and a bad sign.

Poor Shep . . . or not.

Craig & Kathryn: 

Over what looks like a delicious brunch, Craig tells Cameron he has a "Kindergarten Crush" on Kathryn and that he has never hooked up with a girl who has purple hair. (SO glad someone else noticed her weird hair color.)

I am not exactly sure what "Kindergarten Crush" means, but I don't think we saw Craig actually interact with Kathryn during the episode so maybe it is a crush for the purposes of the "real"ity show. (Just one plausible theory)

Or maybe we didn't see them together because you know Shep slept with Kathryn after a night of one-to-many "really chilled" shots at Republic.
Since Shep's actions violate The BroCode, Shep & Craig argue at Taco Boy. The argument was kind of funny, especially when Shep maturely asserted the defense: "Sorry I'm not Sorry." Really, this whole scene just made me want a frozen screwdriver from Taco Boy and question Kathryn's hair color.

Whitney & His Mom: 
I'm only kidding, I am not suggesting that. But, count the amount of time Whitney says Mom in each episode, it's quite a lot.
Oh and I guess he was so jealous of T-Rav's dinner bell he got himself one, only a much smaller and more pathetic bell that just makes him look creepy.

Here are this week's Battle of the Bros Standings: 
T-Rav: -1 (Dani) = -
Shep: -1 (MJ) + 1 (Kathryn) =
Craig: 0 (Kathryn) = 0* (It didn't appear Craig actually tried to be with Kathryn, couldn't justify a loss)

I guess we will have to see how this extended love-triangle plays out on next week's episode of The Bros & the Beautiful Southern Charm. 

Did you watch? Feel free to share your favorite moments. 


  1. I laughed hysterically at the term "stabbing cabin." OMG! These boys are pi.ti.ful!!!!!

  2. I think I am going to watch later this week. I will love to see what Whitney has going on with his wonderful dinner bell and hanging with his mom. Oh these boys.


  3. never heard of this show. what's it come on?

    Would love for you to come join us and link up